It's All Gravy: Part 4 - Thou Shalt Only Spend on Essentials

Hello reader.

 

Please, take a seat, it’s time we talked. Now, we promised ourselves we wouldn't get angry but we need to get this off our chest. You may think it’s no big deal and I’m not sure whether it was intentional or not but…...you missed our birthday.

 

No card, no call, no flowers. What the fuck dude? That’s a shitty move. You think you’re above all that? Yada, yada, yada - we don’t want to hear your lame-ass excuses. Go on, just get out, just go. And don’t look us in the eyes on your way out.

 

What are you hiding? Don’t play games with us. There, behind your back, what is it? Chrysanthemums?! Awww, you bloody sweetheart, you shouldn’t have! There’s us jumping to silly conclusions. We knew you hadn’t forgotten. Do you want a cup of tea? Of course, take a seat. I’ll get the bourbons.

 

Chrysanthemums - our favourite of all native Asian flowers

Chrysanthemums - our favourite of all native Asian flowers

Seeing as though you’re here with this delightful and completely unexpected gift, it’d only be fair if we gave you something in return. Yep, it’s that time again when The Gravy Train gets a little introspective and looks back all nostalgic-like in order to lay down some new-found wisdom for any soon-to-be traders out there.

 

If you’ve not read our previous tips for new street food traders, then you should. I would say that though, right? Yes. Because you should. We’re calling them our ‘Street Food Trader Commandments’, for no other reason than we wanted them to sound biblical. ‘What the fuck are they?’, I hear you pointedly ask. In a nutshell, they’re things you may want to bear in mind if you’re just starting out in the street food game. Doesn’t quite roll off the tongue, does it?

 

Now, as you’ve so wonderfully highlighted with your thoughtful bouquet, we’ve only been going for a year, so we ain’t callin’ ourselves no ‘Seasoned Pros’ BUT, for the benefit of you newbies, we think it’s kinda fun to slip on the old self-deprecation spectacles from time to time and looked at lessons learned.

 

Whether you’re merely flirting with street food like it were Lucy from A Level English, or you’re already out there doing your thing, the following three minutes and forty seconds may be beneficial.So join us as we double-click the file ‘DumbShitWeShouldNotHaveDoneInYearOne.doc’

 

Here we go…

 

Seasoned Pros

Seasoned Pros

Commandment Number Four:

Thou Shalt Only Spend On Essentials

 

You may be thinking, ‘All that build-up for that?’ Yes, because this point needs hammering home like a really relevant simile.

 

We actually had a little food business before we started this one. We were fresh out of Uni and full of that fleeting sensation one feels from time to time called ‘hope’. Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, we scampered around catering shops and browsed the internet buying the shiniest things because it glinted nicely. We convinced ourselves that we needed all of this shiny stuff, not just because it shined so bright, but because it was all necessary. That chargrill worth a ludicrous amount? Stick it in the trolley, we defs need one that big. That huge marquee too? You bet. The branded t-shirts? A little on the pricey side, but sod it, we’ll be making money hand over fist in no time. Hold on, we’ve rinsed the kitty and we haven’t even bought any food yet.

 

All I’ll say on that is there’s a reason we’re now The Gravy Train, and it ain’t ‘cos we sold our first attempt for ba-zillions and we got bored chilling in the Bahamas.

 

PRO TIP -

Just because it costs ten times the price does not mean you will get ten times the value out of it. It’s the same as anything - if you suddenly developed a keen interest in golf, you wouldn’t go and splash your savings on a brand-spanking new set of clubs signed by Seve Ballesteros. Certainly not with the intention of winning tournaments to pay the bills - I’m not you, but it’s just a hunch. The clubs might be the wrong size. You might find the pitching wedge too cumbersome. The ruddy golf bag might not fit in the ruddy boot of your ruddy Nissan Qashqai. I don’t know, I’m not a golfer.

 

Seve Ballesteros - half ballerina, half bastard...

Seve Ballesteros - half ballerina, half bastard...

 

You see our point though. Start small, and build up. Yes, there will be occasions where the cheaper equipment you bought will give up the ghost mid-event, but there’s always a way to work around it. Draw up a contingency plan if the equipment you have does go kaput, or study the manual so you know what to do if it does occur. Don’t be so thrifty that you turn up to an event and can’t  serve food - that is no good for anybody, especially the organisers, but be mindful before you start lighting up the debit card.

 

You could save a silly amount of money in the long-run by avoiding good-looking but ultimately unnecessary equipment. Remember - you need to do loads of events before you know just what in the hell works best for you. We’re still learning new things at every single event. They’r all different and they all require different components. There’s no point designing your menu around a huge spit roaster that takes four exasperated people to lift the thing if you’re only doing a small private function. You’ll slip a disc for crying out loud!

 

Be flexible, be patient. Be thrifty.

 

Over and out.

 

The Gravy Train Poutine

It's All Gravy: Part 3 - Thou Shalt Provideth Good Vibes

*A fire crackles delicately in the corner of an old drawing room bedecked with an antique globe, a mahogany scotch cabinet and a complete collection of those Encyclopedia Britannica books your Grandad never read. An extremely handsome man reads the newspaper, chuckling heartily as he draws on his pipe.*

 

Oh, hello. Sorry, didn’t see you there. Just reading the news. It really brings a smile to one’s face of late. Just glad it’s all fake or else we’d be really screwed. Ahhhh, 2017. What a time we’ve had so far. We’ve made it to May without destroying one another, which seemed like quite an optimistic prediction at the back end of last year. Well done one and all, only eight months to go.

 

Whilst you’re here, let’s get onto the slightly more straight-forward topic of street food. Our happy place...

 

Sticking with the survival theme, we like to think last year was the ‘Bear Grylls’ year for The Gravy Train. No, we didn’t habitually quaff our own piss or hollow out a moose for company, but the name of the game was indeed survival, albeit slightly less barbaric. Catering can be a cruel mistress and sure, we got a few bumps and scrapes along the way, but we came out the other side bigger, better and wiser.

 

“But why are you telling us all this?” I hear the nihilists half-heartedly say. Well, for those of you that are new to this blog, you’re currently reading the third post in a series of advice articles for new food traders about to go into their first year, or what we’re calling our ‘Street Food Commandments for new traders’ or something or nothing.

 

I never not dun nuffin’

 

These are our top tips for newbies what might just save your bacon (or falafel) in 2017. So please new traders, or anyone else that has approximately three and a half minutes to kill before clocking off at work, grab a pouffe, help yourself to a Laphroaig from the cabinet and let us tell you what is probably really obvious and/or patronising...

 

Commandment Number Three:

Thou Shalt Provideth Good Vibes

 

Businessmen are supposed to be closed-off, cut-throat bastards, right? Look at all the big billionaires. Zuckerberg screwed them twins out of their Facebook fortune. Microsoft shadily snuffed out their early rivals. Donald Trump is unfortunately himself (ooh, political). The only way to get ahead is to step on toes. Survival of the meanest. Right?

 

Wrong. Seriously. If there is one thing we’ve learnt from this year, it’s that the street food game is, much to our relief, full of some of the friendliest, funniest and most passionate people we’ve ever met, and purposefully stepping on toes and busting heads will most probably bring with it some seriously bad vibes man.

 

Sure, there’s no doubt that everyone is in competition with one another, and there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of competition. But in the grand scheme of things, it’s so much more rewarding, not primarily for your business, but as a fellow trader/human to be kind, have fun, share tips, give out food and generally be a nice person for God’s sake, amiright?

 

Little will make you feel more empathetic to your fellow stallholders than standing out in the pissing rain for days on end at what we’ll mildly label a ‘less-than-prosperous’ event where you’ve forgotten even the concept of having toes. Having a chin wag at times like these just makes the world a better place. It’s good for morale and makes you feel like you’re progressing even when you might be watching money trickle down the drain. Make sure to get out there and talk to other traders. Pass on tips of events that went well and maybe others that might be best avoided. You may just come across a few crackers and avoid a few stinkin’, muddy pitfalls yourself by being open.

 

Here’s another idea - why not work on someone else’s food stall for a day or two? You’ll be so surprised at how much you can learn from a few hours pitching in, from building up contacts, to hearing about a new event, to seeing that interesting little way they’ve got their equipment setup that could save you hundreds of pounds or thousands of minutes. (Street food traders are an innovative bunch!) It’s such a great way to learn the ropes.

 

With all this in mind, we think it’s about time we sent out some good vibes of our own, so get ready for a trader/market love-in….

 

Thanks to John at Wallace and Sons for the banging kimchi/poutine collaboration and the laughs through a tricky Xmas. Thanks to Jack at Pie Eyed for being a proper good chap and helping us find a more permanent home. Thanks to Trudy and Justine from Percy and Lily’s for all your invaluable advice, especially in the beginning.

 

Thanks to Flick, Dan and Charlotte from Sausage Box for your top tips (and to Charlotte for helping us out at Yorkshire Tea!). Thanks to Yorkshire Tea themselves for putting up with us and to all the staff on the assembly line and in the offices who tucked in. Thanks to Jack from MacDaddies for lending a very helpful hand dishing up the good stuff. Thanks to Bali from Fancy an Indian for keeping us fed, sane and jumping in when we were struggling.

 

Thanks to Holly from The Italian Stallion Pizza for pitching in at Christmas like an absolute trooper. Thanks to Steve from The Raclette Bros for being a great sounding board. Thanks to Heather, Ben and Jordan at Peddler for all their support last year and helping spread the word about poutine in South Yorkshire. Thanks to Bailey and Jules at GRUB for being great hosts and being far less alarmed at the gravy spillage than we were.

 

Thanks to Julie of Sheffield City Council fame for supporting local. Thanks to Nick from Porter Brook Deli just down the road for your unrivalled knowledge of the best local producers. Thanks to Loredana and Claire from Antic for taking a punt on us on more than one occasion. Thanks to Amir from the Gyoza Guys for helping us get the ball rolling down south. And Yaz from Melt City over the pond in Canada for helping us from the gosh darn beginning.

 

And finally, to all of the following traders, with whom we’ve chatted, chowed and/or chilled:

 

Market Wraps, Oh Mei Dumplings, Pizza Loco, Buddha Belly, Smokin’ Blues, Fat Annie’s, Goldenballs, The Little Blue Pig, The Waffle Stop, Proove Pizza, Street Food Chef and all the others we have inevitably forgotten (Sorry!)

 

And for all of you that had to sit through that torrent of mush, we get it. Sickening right? Thanks to you all and can’t wait to see you this season!

 

That’s all we’ve got for today.

 

Tschüss!

 

The Gravy Train Poutine

It's All Gravy: Part 2 - Thou Shalt Seek Criticism

Here we are, back again then. What’s been going on? How are ya? How’d the job interview/family event/dentist's appointment go? Oh that’s good, I’m really glad to hear it. Excellent small talk.

 

Seriously though, we hope the New year is treating you well and that you made it to at least mid-Jan before sacking off the morning jog and uncorking out the Cab Sav (in the evening, obviously, we’re not animals).

 

On to the order of the day. It’s time for part two in our as-yet-unspecified series of Commandments for new traders; a time where we proverbially kick off our slippers, sit by the proverbial glow of a warm proverbial fire and spout off advice to new traders as if we were seasoned veterans or something, the bloody cheek of it. These are, quite simply, “lessons we’ve learned in our first year that we’d like to have been more aware of before we started, but weren’t.” Catchy eh?. We want to share the love with those new traders on the block and let you guys in on what insider knowledge we have to date. After all, no man is an island (proverb).

 

So here goes nothing…

 

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Commandment Number Two: 

Thou shalt Seek Criticism

 

As the old saying goes, you’ve got to have your critics.

For those that have never set up a business before, you can imagine how amazingly supportive family and friends can be when you’re planning the thing. It seems everyone is full of praise and they just know you’re going to succeed. It might be because Mum is a hard-nosed entrepreneur with an uncanny ability to foresee new trends. Or Great Aunt Betsy has crunched the numbers and thinks your margins are really healthy. Or that one Facebook friend from University you haven’t seen in years thinks your logo is going to have real traction with young Millennials. Now, I’m not saying this isn’t the case. You may have some Apprentice-style family unit whereby the weakest family member is struck off the family tree after a poor pitch at the dinner table. Each to their own. I’m no judge.

I would however err on the assumptions that:

  1. Mum is just happy to see you doing anything at all that generates an income and can try to find something slightly less foreboding to worry about on your behalf. (“You drive carefully on them motorways”.)

  2. Great Aunt Betsy thinks it’s wonderful you’re setting up a business as your Great Uncle Arthur set up a restaurant on the south coast after the war and he did well, until the Health and Safety at Work Act 1974.

  3. Your long-lost Facebook friend likes almost anything anyone has ever posted and sees it as an easy way to while away the time in the office. Immediately after liking your logo, they’ll show the same click of appreciation for an image of a mutual friend’s ‘delicious’ looking Spaghetti Bolognese from the night before.

 

Picture1.png

‘Delicious’

 

No, no, no. This is not the way.

 

If you really want to gauge the opinions of your family and friends on the viability of your business, tell them not to pull any punches. Buckle up your big boy boots, put your ego on hold and tell them to tear into your ideas as much as possible. You might be surprised at what you hear. Dad thinks you’re spending too much money on that neon sign you think looks awesome. Your best mate Jack doesn’t get the tone of your social media posts. Your godfather Jean-Michelle (we’ve all got one) thinks your portions are too expensive. Nothing is sacred.

 

You may disagree with their opinions but it will definitely make you address them, even if it is just passive-aggressively in your own skull for days on end. The good thing about having people question your plans is that you will either agree with them and adapt your approach or disagree with them and become more assured in your reasoning. It’s win-win.

 

Dad’s right, we can make do without that pricey sign until we’ve sold a few portions. I see where Jack is coming from, we definitely need a more consistent tone online. My prices are fine as they are. That bastard Jean-Michelle is such a skint flint. Ya dig?

 

Write a business plan. Pick through your strengths and weaknesses with a fine tooth comb. Come up with strategies for overcoming weaknesses and then get people to pick holes in those. Get them to question your strengths and explain why you think you’re solid in certain areas.

 

Invite friends and family over for a tasting and cook everything on the menu. We did, and as a result of their feedback, we changed our whole approach; stripping back unnecessary dishes and concentrating on doing fewer dishes really well. It was pretty darn eye-opening.

 

Prepping for the tasting - ‘Best of Friends’

 

We’ve made many mistakes, honestly. The only thing worse than a bruised ego is falling into avoidable traps because you were too proud. It don’t taste great in the mouth. Plus, there’s always time to sob into the washing up later.

 

S’all we’ve got for now people.

 

As ever, check back on the regs for more Commandments/new trader tips or drop us a line on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, or via email (hello @thegtpoutine.co.uk) if you’re looking for advice. We love a chat. Again, good luck with your new venture.

 

Alternatively, if you’re just perusing the website and fancy having The Gravy Train roll into town, hit them links above or contact us here.

 

Auf Wiedersehen!


The Gravy Train Poutine

It’s all Gravy: Part 1 - Thou Shalt Heed the Advice of Others Dear Trader

Well, well, well.

It’s safe to say we’ve had an interesting few months since our launch in April. Burnt fingers, troublesome equipment and 4am gravy sessions have all featured on the regs. We’ve scratched our heads more times than medically recommended and at times have felt like dung beetles pushing up a big ole’ chunk uphill, only to have it go tumbling back down whilst we wave our six legs in the air in frustration... Or summat like that.

 

But thankfully, that all pales in comparison to the good times; being out in the sunshine doing our thang; colourful customers; and selling out in time to go home, pop the feet up on Grandma’s pouffe and have a cup of Yorkshire Tea.

 

I’m sure you’re all dying to hear of our tales of poutine woe and wonderment (don’t all shout at once). We’ll get to those in good time, but for now, we thought it’d be just plain nice to pass on the lessons we’ve learnt over this year for any new traders out there about to take the plunge.

 

The street food industry is a big learning curve, which at times feel more like a blunt-ass right angle, so we thought we’d share the knowledge and chisel out what we’re calling (as of now) our ‘Street Food Commandments’ - rules to stick by if we had to do it over (*shudders*).

 

We run a much tighter ship nowadays. Being slapped on the kisser by your own mistakes will do that to you, but this is almost more of an exercise for us here at The Gravy Train as it is for you, dear reader. After all, what healthier time for reflection is there than a post-Christmas, how-much-did-I-drink-and-where-did-all-the-cheese-straws-go-existential crisis? None. So we’ll be reciting these Commandments under our breath like maniacs as we head into 2017. You may not want to go that far, but don’t say we didn’t warn ya’s! Pens at the ready?

Good...

Commandment Number One:

Thou shalt schedule time for each task…..and then double it. Seriously.

 

If we were to compare running a street food business to a game of Monopoly (which I’m about to), we were barely past Old Kent Road when the harsh consequences of not scheduling ourselves enough time surfaced like an exasperated blue whale with a thousand yard stare.

 

The launch party. Oh what a twee little encounter it. Breeze in, breeze out, serve some food in Sheffield City centre, get a couple followers on social media. Nothing too strenuous. OK, so what needs doing? We’d got the menu down - six dishes with different toppings. We need to put the finishing touches to the stall. Piece of cake. Let’s get started on Thursday and we can go to town and get everything else squared away. We got this shit.

 

“But oh, what’s this? That’s weird, I could have sworn I bought peppers. It’s alright, I’ll nip back down there. What? We’re an hour behind schedule. No bother, we’ll work faster. I need to go to the gas shop to buy some crimping clips. Oh they’re out. I’ll go to the one across town. Great, they have them. Jeez, there’s so much traffic on the road.

 

Two hours behind. Arse, we need more chalkboard paint, should’ve got two tins. There’s a Staples in town. I’ll go now or we’ll fall behind on the prep. This store is massive. Where are all the staff? I could’ve walked out with whatever I wanted if I weren’t so honest. Seriously, where the hell are they? Ten minutes and I’ve not seen a soul, am I this honest?

 

Three hours behind. This TRAFFIC man. Seriously!? Just GO! Why am I gripping the steering wheel so tightly? There’s never anywhere to bloody park on this bloody road. What the hell is the point in even paying for a permit if there’s never any-oh she’s moving, great. How are we doing mate? Had to go to the bank to pick up change and the queue was insane, so haven’t been able to do too much.

 

We’re four hours behind, *takes deep breath*. Focus. We need to get those boards painted up so that they dry in time. I’ll do that now, you crack on with the BBQ Chicken, quickly.

 

Five hours behind. Or is that six? I can’t tell, my watch is covered in gravy. It’s OK, honest. I don’t like this watch that much anyway. We’ve got to get this done, pack the van and get down there to set up in time. It’s getting away from us. This stall takes forever to set up. Why won’t the fryer light up? There are so many people waiting! Why didn’t we start on Tuesday?!”

 

This is the stuff that will keep you up at night, which is ironic considering you’ll no doubt be strapped for beauty sleep. It’s the little, niggling tasks that add up to make one mammoth undertaking. Selling food and packing down is easy. Executing everything to a tee and firing up your hob in time to serve those first few portion-seekers is an art. Buying cable ties/blackboard paint/coriander/creme fraiche takes time people - EVERYTHING IS INTEGRAL!  

 

Poor punctuality will reflect badly on you in the eyes of the organisers. Make sure you’ve done as much as you can to ensure you’re not that guy/girl who turns up half an hour before the event opens with bread rolls tumbling out of your van looking like you haven’t slept in a month.

 

How do you avoid being ‘that guy/girl’? Live by the First Commandment - Thou shalt schedule time for each task…..and then double it. Seasoned pros will know how much time it takes for them to prep and will be well aware of the little jobs that need doing before they get down to their spot. That’s why they’re pros. Until you reach that Rainman-like stage, schedule the amount of time you think you’ll need and double it. It’ll save your bacon more often than not and will show you to be on top of your shit before you are. Trust us.

 

Whatsmore, if you get everything done, there’s always time to have a mojito before you serve your first customer. All we’re saying is, since we started living by this rule, our mojito count ain’t all that extensive. We’ll leave that with you.

 

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Check back on the regular for more Street Food Commandments/ new trader tips or drop us a line on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter, or via email (hello @thegtpoutine.co.uk) if you’re looking for advice, we love a chat we do. Most of all, good luck with your new venture.

 

Happy New Year!

 

The Gravy Train Poutine